iTunes Exclusive Episode Clouds Of Sils Maria

The following is a sooner orgator production.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Joe, stop.
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I said, are you ready for the jam?
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Good morning.
Greetings, Empire member, and or members.
If you are hearing my voice right now, we hope it means the following things.
We hope you enjoy listening to the clubhouse podcast every Sunday night, live,
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Welcome.
My name is Rob, and I am the executive producer of the clubhouse podcast.
And I'm just chilling, man.
Keep it in a real.
But I'm not alone for this particular episode.
Joining me across the desk is the official fact checker of this show.
And a man who can proudly say he never had this hit through Twilight.
He has done.
Welcome, sir.
Even though some people know he's found don't go.
You're my name.
Don't worry.
I'm not.
Twilight actually saw.
Oh, man.
I know.
A lot of you have you credit you.
I know.
But I have to be honest to the Empire.
I'm not going to lie to the Empire.
Whatever we do, one of these, it's always to review something and this is no exception.
By the way, this is iTunes exclusive number 94, as we continue the climb towards triple digits.
Today, we are here to review a movie called Clouds of Silas Maria from director Olivier
Asias, stars Juliet Benoche, Kristen Stewart, and Chloe Grace Morets.
Here's the bit.
Juliet Benoche plays Maria Enders, an aging actress when she was in her late teens early
20s.
She starred in a play called Majora Snake, which is basically the story of a young up-and-coming
girl in an office using her feminine wiles to climb the ladder and focuses them on a middle-aged
female executive.
It is the play that she Maria becomes known for, gains fame and fortunate and all these
good things.
And tragedy defaults her, but not before she is approached to do a revival of the play
in London, playing the older role.
Kristen Stewart plays her assistant Valentine.
The new girl to play the younger actress is Joanne Ellis, played by the aforementioned
Chloe Grace Morets.
And we go from there.
This film is two hours and three minutes long.
Even though I didn't get to make it, we're going to think everybody at all.
Absolutely.
Josh did a great job.
Good evening.
I can make this one.
So I thought it was there as well.
They have a brand new young lady working with them as well.
Yeah, so I made it here for the Empire because it's hard to do a review by yourself.
It truly is.
It truly is.
It truly is.
Oh, where to begin.
Okay.
First off, the look of the film.
It was a film.
Like there was nothing spectacular about the way it was shot.
I mean, it was shot in the Swiss Alps.
So you've already got that going for you.
So the nature shots were really good.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's Europe.
You're always going to get great shots over there.
So what did you say about the direction and the look combined?
Let's go.
This is another case where the director is also the writer.
And we know how you feel about that sometimes.
Right.
And allegedly as the story goes, the concept of the film was brought to the director
by Juliet Benoche.
Who I'm a fan of.
Let me just say that upfront.
I am a fan of the Juliet Benoche.
She brought in the concept of the film.
He then went wrote the script.
I get art like art is cool.
And sometimes art doesn't have to be for everybody.
I am not everybody with this film.
It was too hard to see.
It was two hours and four minutes of my life.
I will never get back.
And I mean, I'm not even going to bury the lead.
I'm just going to put it out there on front street.
This film.
You know what I learned in two hours and four minutes that I already knew.
Okay.
Father time is undefeated.
All right.
That's all you need to know.
I have given you the entire film in two seconds.
Okay.
Here's the big gauge.
Okay.
And my time is to look at your watch.
I lost count.
When it was how long into the first time you looked at your watch.
Twenty minutes.
Then after that it was probably how often thought every five.
I mean, it's ragged for me if the story meandered.
There was there wasn't a linear story line to this.
At one point as the climax of the film approaches.
Something happens and you go.
What's the crap?
That's a climax.
And it's never explained.
And you go.
I have obviously missed something here.
That's the mentality I had throughout this film.
I'm like, what am I missing?
Was this film?
Was the director's cut longer?
Just cut out of it that would have made this film make more sense to me.
Outside of knowing that father time is undefeated.
So it's kind of like where you had a firework show and you're writing for the big finale.
And then you're waiting for it to start.
Okay.
You're not waiting for the big film.
You're waiting for the show to start.
So you're thinking this is Kaboom town.
And that's just far closer.
Yeah.
I'm seeing a bunch of kids run on the street with sparklers.
Okay.
And again, I love Julia Penoche.
Like I was excited to see this because I'm such a huge fan of this woman.
She is an amazing actress.
She's absolutely gorgeous.
She delivers on every level.
Kristen Stewart.
Not a huge fan of.
Twilight.
She does have the emotional range of a mute.
Yeah.
But she did it.
But she did a good job in there.
Okay.
She was she and Julia Penoche had great chemistry.
And I mean great chemistry.
Like you could believe that she's worked for her for years.
I mean, you look at her and still allow us.
I mean, she has some other things.
I mean, still allow us to still get movie and stuff like that.
Chloe Grace Morett.
Very good.
All I kept thinking as I was sitting with friend of the show Andrew Beckham is
Lindsay Lohan for the soon somebody.
Because that's exactly who she's planning.
Oh, really.
She's playing.
She's playing.
There's no doubt in anybody's mind.
To the point of she's trying to revive her career with doing a play in London,
which is exactly what Lindsay Lohan did last year.
Is there like infringement here on trademarks?
I don't know.
I'd be saying somebody's going to sue somebody.
But that's just me.
I just, I could not get into this film.
I couldn't get into it.
It just, the story just kind of,
It's like he wrote this like on the toilet in an hour.
Like that's how I felt about this film.
I don't know if a ton of it was improvised.
I don't, it just, it never goes anywhere.
Well, go to the acting.
But again, had no problem with the cast.
Okay.
Like the Julia Dufine and everybody was great.
Like I, like Kristen Stewart didn't bother me in this film.
I thought she was good.
She actually showed some acting chops.
But there were subplots that meant nothing to the story at all.
That was just like, why do I care about this?
It was just like, he wrote a bunch of different threads
and then never finished them.
Like a Saturday night live sketch.
He just don't know how to finish them anymore.
That's how this felt.
It ended and I didn't care.
I didn't care about these characters.
I had no emotional investment in this.
Just when I started to, something happened that I went,
I had no idea what that just happened here.
The process goes left and right.
There's a part where there's an arc with Kristen Stewart's character
that just apparently dies on the vine and you don't know.
Okay.
After she goes, allegedly goes to a party.
Like, I just spent the whole time going,
when are we gonna, when are we gonna get this thing going?
And then when it's done, it's like that's it.
Excuse me, didn't we miss something?
The credits rolled and I was like, that's it.
Because I will tell you, I had no resolution myself.
Well, man, what did further the show Andrew Beckham have to say?
Andrew was right there with me. He was like, dude, this was bad.
Was it, you know, the critics you talked to after?
We didn't.
Okay.
It's just like, let's get out of here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it was just one of those.
I don't know, maybe this just isn't my cup of tea.
I just did not like this film.
It's, it's not my least favorite film of the year right now.
It's gonna be real tough to beat black hat coming into the year.
Okay.
But the year is young.
We're only a third of the way through it.
But it's real close to the bottom of that last man.
And I was disappointed because I was, I was like,
this cast looks great.
I can deal with Kristen Stewart if I have to,
which I didn't really have to deal with her.
I thought she was good.
I didn't feel like I was tolerating her for two hours.
Chloe Grayson writes that kid is a force of nature.
And she's only getting better as she's getting older.
But it just over and over and over and over.
It was like, okay, we get it.
You're struggling.
Where's the chase and how can I cut to it?
Yeah, there's a thread with Chloe Grayson's character.
Where, where they're trying to avoid the paparazzi.
And it's like, the way you're doing it,
there's no way you would have avoided them anyway.
It's, I cannot put in the words
how bad my head hurt when this was over.
So it's kind of like the ship is sinking.
But we got this little pale here, so let's start.
It just, I don't know if he just ran out of time
and the script to polish it.
And because Julia Benoche has worked with this director before.
They've worked together before.
So maybe she just felt man maybe he can take this
and he can make heads or tails out of it
and put it together and make it work.
It doesn't.
I mean, right now,
the IMVV score is 6.8 out of 10.
I think that's generous.
About run tomatoes.
Let me take a look for you.
I do have that available.
And again, I was, I was disappointed
because I sit.
Julia Benoche on such a pedestal.
Yeah.
She's amazing.
And it's kind of like me with Nicholas Cage.
But I think it's a good actor,
but then didn't see them in left behind.
It's like, dude, why did you do that?
It was just kind of like Benoche, Benoche, Benoche.
I mean, that's how I felt when this thing ended.
I was like, dude, you're better than this.
You know?
Let me give you the rock.
Right now has it at 91%.
What?
I mean, maybe there's a level,
but you're, but, and that's out of 88 reviews.
And you know what?
I'm just looking at one of the bad reviews
from James Barard and Ellie from Real Views.
In the end, there's a sense that director
Olivier Assias is more concerned about
making a point to telling a story.
That hits that nail on the head.
That's exactly how I felt.
So is he trying to preach in this film?
Do you think?
He basically, all he's saying is
Father time is undefeated.
That's what you need to know.
He could have put that on a card and said,
Good night, everybody.
Save thing.
And you just saved me two hours.
I could have come home and hung out with my wife.
Life of a critic.
But again, apparently I'm in the minority court
to Martin Rotten.
I don't know, under the skin has 84%.
Yeah, absolutely.
So the final analysis.
Before we get, we got to think Josh again.
Thank you for inviting me and Rob and everybody for this.
The way we do the final analysis on this show
is we don't give you stars or letter grades
or thumbs up thumbs down, numbers, whatever.
Our audience, the empires better than that.
It's a two-prong question.
Question one is, would you see this film again?
The answer is no, we're done here.
If the answer is yes, then how would you see it again?
Would you pay full price?
Would you go to a twilight show and matinee?
Early morning?
Would you wait for it in second one?
Would you wait for it on Netflix?
Would you go running from red box?
Would you wait for it on cable?
Alright, Rob, the big question.
Would you see this film again?
No, no a thousand times now.
Okay, so we're done here.
If you go see it and you hate it, don't blame me because I warned you.
But if you see it and love it, God bless you.
Merke, exactly, you know?
I just, I was so disappointed in this film.
I wanted to punch something.
I was like, well, this is what we're doing.
This is how this is going to go.
And I, I couldn't believe it.
That being said, let's do the plugs.
Alright.
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A couple of hours of your life, we hope you don't want back.
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And I think it's a safe bet to say that Jules Wamick is wherever her husband is.
So until next time, for Done, for the Empire, my name is Rob.
The clubhouse is closed.
And I really don't even think Brittany Palmer could have saved this thing.
Seriously.
The preceding was a sooner or later production.
Gotta go!
Why? Because I have to.