My first triathlon was an s-show disaster that I should have won | Engel Angle

Excuse me, I had to burp.
Mac Engle, Fort Worth Star Telegram, Engle Engle Podcast, here on the Sunset Lounge.
I am here to talk about a tremendous achievement that I accomplished over the weekend in Keller,
Texas, when I completed my first try-off.
Thank you. Yeah, we'll we can do autographs later. I'm going to set up a GoFundMe.
I'm also going to set up a page where I'll provide autographed photographs for the kids,
more for adults. We're actually more for kids. I figure I'll do an inverse on that.
Usually, people charge less for kids. I'm going to be different. I'm going to charge more for kids.
On a serious note, I did complete the 2026 St. Patrick's Day triathlon.
The reason I wanted to share this anecdote, pardon me, the story, rather, is because it's not just about
the fact that I did something that I never thought I would do until up to including about two months
ago. I never, never thought I would be able to complete a triathlon. That was always something
somebody else did. Marathons, yes, half marathons, yes, but a triathlon. Those were the crazy
people who can swim and bike and run in succession, and I just never thought I could do it.
So I'm very proud of the fact that I was able to do that. But the reason I want to share this
is that this is not going to be some boring story about a weekend warrior type. No,
this is about a lifelong thing and overcoming some things that were set in my mind a long,
long time ago, including the fact that this race was a total and complete shit show on my part.
But I still did it. And what I realized in accomplishing this is that sometimes our greatest
feats aren't necessarily overcoming obstacles that were set before us by somebody else or
life or God or some other higher power, but rather overcoming ourselves and the things that we
do to ourselves to impede us from accomplishing anything. And I would certainly put myself in this
category up to and including the 2026 St. Patrick's Day triathlon in Keller, Texas.
Now, I want to give you the backstory on this. I was not much of a high school athlete. In fact,
I was not a high school athlete at all. I've talked about my athletic prowess on the podcast
before where I didn't really participate much in sports, organized sports after I was cut. I was
the last guy cut from the seventh grade baseball team. Still very bitter about that. And that pretty
that pretty much ended my athletic career. And now that I'm much older and I have a daughter,
I certainly do recognize the impact. If I had played sports, remember, that was a time select
sports didn't really exist. All those club things. They didn't really exist. You either play
for your middle school and your high school or you really weren't playing at all. And I didn't.
So I now and then my children can certainly recognize and appreciate the power and impact
of playing youth sports can have on a kid. I've seen it with my own child. And I certainly
as I've gone and thought about my own life, that would have been something that would have been
great for me. But I didn't I didn't play. And as a result, that time gap that existed after
three o'clock or three thirty year four whenever school school ended, I didn't have it. I didn't
have it filled by activity. And or anything along along those lines that would have been a real
positive for me. And that that's a real hole in that that sports fills for a lot of people. And
I've seen what it can do. Like I said, from my daughter in a way that I never, never fully
appreciated. So I really didn't pursue any kind of athletic endeavors until graduate school was
over. I had come back from Europe and I lost this way. I lost weight because I had been walking
12 to 15 miles a day and my diet had changed dramatically because I'm in Europe on a very tight
budget. And everybody notices that I've lost probably 10, 12, 15 pounds. And I was so excited
about it. And I thought, well, what can I do to to keep this weight off? And I just start running.
And and I had no idea what I was doing. This would have been a 1998. So at that time,
that kind of information is not available on your phone. You had to go to the library or a bookstore
or something like that to really look it up. And I didn't do any of that. So I just started to run
and to show you how smart I was back then, I was running in high tops. And then it's some
and I was running it like in North Texas at four and five o'clock in the afternoons. And that
was in June, July, August, September. That's when I was running. I still don't know how I did that.
And in spite of those obstacles that I presented to myself, I still kept running. And at some point,
I decided I'm going to decide I'm going to run a half marathon. So I run the 1998 Dallas White Rock
half marathon. It would have been probably November, just drove over there one day. And I'll never
forget it because it was a beautiful day for a runner. And I didn't know what that meant until I
did it. It was overcast. It was about 50 degrees. And there was a light mist. And it was absolutely
ideal conditions for me. And as I'm running and I don't think at that time, I had run beyond eight or
nine miles. So 13.1 was pretty intimidating number for me. But I thought, well, you know, I'll see
how it goes. And I'm doing fine. But along around the, I guess, third or fourth mile, somebody says,
hey, buddy, you got a blowout. I don't even know what that means. So I looked down and, oh, my
shoelaces untied. I guess that's what a blowout means. So I get off the side of the road, time I
shoe and somebody else says, man, I don't know how you're running and those things. And I'm like,
well, I'm not wearing high tops. I graduated past that. I was running in not tennis shoes, tennis shoes
are bulkier. I was running in the type of tennis shoes that you would wear to watch somebody play
tennis. These flat, very unsupportive shoes. And I didn't know any better. So a long way,
I'm in a good pace. I caught to somebody, some woman, and I'm just basically running at her feet
the whole time. And she's maintaining my pace. I'm been unto her. And I think about mile eight or
nine, I'm noticing on my feet aren't quite a bit of pain. And I'm, I'm changing my stride, my
feet placement on every step because something is going on there that I don't know what's going on.
But I know it hurts. Every step hurts. So I finish and I finished with like a really good time. I
was like 142 or something like that. And again, that's a good time for me, I think. So I'm like,
wow, and I was very excited. And I tapped the woman on the shoulder. I said, thanks a lot. You
were great. You kept me in pace the whole way. And she looks at me like I'm some kind of alien.
And at that point, I'm like, you know, I wonder what's going on with my feet. And I take my shoes off.
And I have got two massive blisters on my big toes, both my right and my left. I'm like, oh,
yeah, how about that? Maybe my shoes did matter. So I kept going with that momentum of running.
And eventually I, I did a, I did the Fort Worth Cowtown marathon. I think in 1999, and there I
learned a very valuable lesson. And that is if you don't have a good weather day, I'd almost tell you
not even bother to do it. And that day was awful. It was like 85 degrees. It was one of these
rogue early spring days in Fort Worth that just happened occasionally. And it was like 25
mile an hour winds. And I ended up walking a great portion of it. And it was so discouraging.
So then a number of years later, I start running a lot again. And I got in pretty good shape. And I'm
gearing up and I've got that date circled. And I'm going to do the Dallas Dallas Rock and Roll
Marathon. The whole thing sure enough. Terrible awful weather day. Just awful weather days like 83
degrees and high winds. And I'm in great shape for a marathon. Didn't matter. Didn't matter. And I
thought I could run through it. Nope. Reduced me to a pile of tears. And again, I end up having a
walk a great point, a great, a great portion of that race, a race that the conditions were so bad.
Some poor guy died during that event. I beat him. I don't think I beat anybody else. But I was
still in pretty good shape. And I thought, damn it. I really want a good experience with running
a marathon. So then a couple months later, I run the Fort Worth Cowtown Marathon. And I finally
get the experience that I wanted. I finished in a little over four hours. It's like four of six.
I was hoping to to to to hit a sub four hour thing. That's kind of a thing for the runners.
But I ran the whole way. The weather was good. It was sunny. But it was cool. And I probably could have
done a sub four hours had I been running with somebody had maybe a good partner to run with or
something like that. But it was run by myself a lot. And it didn't matter. I finished it. I had
the achievement I wanted. And I did get the experience that I wanted. And I completed a marathon
all the way from mile one to 26 point two running the whole way, which leads me to go off ramp
here for a second to talk about something that happened this past weekend in Los Angeles that
absolutely infuriates me as somebody who has run completed all 26 point two miles of three
different marathons. When the event organizers of the Los Angeles marathon made an announcement
that runners who completed 18 miles of the marathon would be given a finishers medal.
Because weather conditions were so abnormally hot in Los Angeles over the weekend.
I want to say that again, if you were a marathon runner at the 2026 L.A. Marathon,
you would be given a finishers medal if you wanted to be done at mile 18 because of the weather.
To which I say, no, you didn't finish the marathon. If you were one of those people who accepted
the medal at mile 18 with eight point two miles remaining on the course that you quit because it was
hot, go fuck yourself. I have a major problem with that. And I think anybody who has ever
gone through the torture chamber that is mile 20 through 26 point two is going to look at you
differently and you will be judged in this lifetime and the next.
If you have been, if you have ever done a marathon before,
miles one through and you've trained for miles one through 13, that's fine. That legitimately is
is pretty fun. Mile 13 to 18, it starts to catch up with you. It starts to hurt a little bit.
Mile 20 is a punch to your face, your feet, your crotch, your lower back and all parts of your
body. That is pain. That is what separates the marathon finisher, the marathon runner from
everybody else who cut and run justifiably sometimes before you get to the finish line.
The pain that you experience and just the absolute mental fatigue, where you question
everything about your life in miles 20 through 26 point two cannot be replicated by any other
point on that course before that marker. I vividly remember at miles 20 through 26 point two and
those other marathons that I did it, not so much the last one, but certainly the previous two and
like, why the hell am I out here? This is miserable. What am I doing? What am I doing with my life?
This is awful. I hate everything. I hate everybody. Why are you on this course out here yelling at me?
I look pathetic. You're pathetic. You're just so mad because it hurts so much to keep doing it.
And then when you do finish, there is a sense of accomplishment that you set out to do something
and you completed 26 point two miles nonstop. That is really hard. And the hardest part isn't even
the race. The hardest part is training for it because you have to accommodate time and not only
time but changes and changes in your diet and your social routine to allow yourself to be in a
good place to train properly and to run. Training for a half marathon and completing a half marathon,
that's fun. Doing a full marathon is a job. And I'm sorry if you're one of those people and I say
those people who accepted a medal for completing 18 miles of a 26 point two mile course in Los Angeles
and you bailed because it was hot. Nope. Doesn't count. So it's bullshit. You don't deserve the
medal. You didn't finish the race. Sorry. That's just the way it is. You finish mile 21 22 23 24 25
26 and 26 point two. Then you will know why there is a difference. So the people who went out and
finished 26 point two. Congratulations. Which leads me to where I did something over the weekend
in Keller that I never thought I would do. Like I said before and that is complete a triathlon.
And it was a disaster. Now I had this idea. Well I guess back in December and November of last year
because last summer I decided to take swim lessons. I could swim but basically my talent as a
swimmer was that's great. He didn't drown. Good job. That was a terrible swimmer. I would do a lap
and have to catch my breath. That's how bad of a swimmer I was. And I tried. Watch YouTube videos.
This wasn't very good at it. So finally I ponied up some money and I took three swim lessons.
A $25 crack. Some college kid gave me lessons and I kept swimming and I did get better. And I
thought maybe I can do a triathlon. So I asked a colleague of mine who had done those before.
Nice man named Tom Johannick Meyer. And he said yeah you're probably in good enough shape you can
do one right now. So my ego hurt I can do it. Okay. So I kind of get my body used to doing it. I
went to the gym. I would swim and I would change and then I would go up to the bike trainer
like the stationary bike and I would do however many miles and then I would go run maybe a mile.
And that hurt. That that that was not something that I was accustomed to and I was glad I did it
because it gave me an idea of what that transition was going to feel like and there is a big transition
not from the swim to the bike. That's okay. It's the bike to the run because you're using different
parts of your muscles on your legs and it hurts and it takes a minute to get your legs warmed up.
So I was doing a little bit more on that and then one day I guess about six weeks ago,
five weeks ago I decided I'm just going to do the distances of all three and see see if I can do
it. The distances I think I over did it. I think I swam 500 meters and a 25 meter pool.
Then I went upstairs and I rode 10 or 11 miles on the bike and then I went to the treadmill
and I ran 3.1 miles and I did all three in succession. I was pretty tired but I did it and I thought
okay and then I had to debate in my own head. Do I really need to do this? Do I need to spend all
this money? And somebody said on Twitter, yes, you need to do it. I was like okay. So I was
eyeing one that had multiple distances in the same race. This is a sprint triathlon, a 400 meter swim
followed by a 14 and a half mile bike ride followed by a 5k run which is 3.1 miles.
I don't own the right bike. I haven't ridden on a bicycle outside in years. I'm like I'm
mountain bike and my brother who is a cyclist said yeah you want to go run a bike for this.
So leaning on my past experiences I decided that I would do it if the weather was right and I
waited on the weather forecast until Friday two days before the event before I registered for
the event and the weather looked good because I said to myself if the weather is not good, if it's
going to be hot, a rain I could deal with but if it's going to be hot, no, no, not really hot,
I just wasn't going to do it. I was not going to sign up for any more of a misery than these
events tend to all tend to be anyways. Whether it look good, I signed up for it, got all my stuff
ready, I'm ready to go and I wake up and of course on Sunday morning daylight savings ends so I
lose an hour sleep. So I'm running on about four hours of sleep. I get all my stuff and at the
last second I decided you know what I'm not going to put on my contacts now because my vision
was just kind of blurry in the morning. It kind of hurts and I thought I'll take my contacts to
the race and I'll just put them on there in the car. So I've got my glasses on and I can't see
anything without glasses or contacts. I'm intensely nearsighted. So that's very important to me.
So I get everything, stuff, shorts, everything ready to go in the car and about halfway there it's
about a 40 minute drive and about halfway there I think, huh, where are my contacts? Where are my
contact case? I just can't see them. I'm sure they're there. So I get to the event, I park and
then I see everybody is starting to get into the holding area and all that other stuff. They put
their bike and their gear and their shoes and all that and I'm like, okay, I'm getting kind of
nervous because the one part to this, there's parts to this that I don't know how it's going to
go for me and specifically I was very nervous about the swim. Well that's the least of my concerns.
I park my car and I don't have my contact lenses. It's dark outside because obviously daylight
savings is gone and I'm looking around and I cannot find my contact lenses and I am so mad at
myself. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. I had everything and I don't have my contact lenses.
I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. Didn't have them. I have not exercised wearing eyeglasses
since I was probably 15 years old, 14 years old, someplace in there. I hate exercising and sweating
in my eyeglasses. So now I'm like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? I'm not going to see
anything but I thought I don't have enough time to go back to the house and pick them up.
I'm just going to have to figure this out. Again, I've got bigger issues coming down the road.
Unbeknownst to me. So I get to the whole area, put on my stuff down and now I've got about an hour
before and I'm looking around and in that moment I am reminded of the fact that the weekend warrior
competition types, if you are going to participate with that group of, got group of people,
there are a few things that you have to leave in the car. Modesty and vanity. Nobody cares what you
look like, nobody cares what you're wearing, nobody cares whatever state of undress that you need
to be in in order to complete this event. It's rather charming and disarming because you're like,
oh, okay, I guess we're going to do this just right here. Up to and including the necessity that
is to use the bathroom before you start the event. One of the reasons why I quit running, there are a
lot of reasons I quit running, was because of the anxiety and constant frustration that I always
experience it when I go on long distance runs inevitably I have to use the bathroom. That's life,
it's mother nature and I'm like, okay, where am I going to go? Where am I going to stop? And I
would have to design runs around, well, okay, where's it going to be a restroom? So I know in that
moment, I'm like, I've got to use the restroom. What's the best way to go? I'm not going to take
a laxative, that's not going to kick in quick enough so I go run. I run about eight to ten minutes
just to get my body warmed up but specifically to use the restroom. And sure enough, they have
four portapoddies and the line there is horrifically long and now you have to go through the mental
torture preparation of stepping into that portapoddy and training your eyes to look up.
Portapoddy is a scarring experience even on the best of circumstances but the most important
thing that you do with a portapoddy is look up. That way you can avoid what is down because if you
buy any chance, make the mistake of looking down, you will never forget what you saw.
That's behind me. It's okay. I'm feeling good. I've got my swimsuit on. One of the things
that you recommended was triathlon suit. If you know me, you know I'm not buying it. If I have
anything close to it, I'm not buying it. So when I have our compression shorts, appropriately
and a Superman dry fit t-shirt, that's my triathlon outfit.
I'm running on about 16 ounces of coffee and 50 ounces of water. Got a big jug. It's good.
It's going to fit on the bike. It's all good. I'm ready to go. I've had a nego waffle with peanut
butter on it. I am completely in the right space. Now mentally, I am nervous about the swim. I
get in line. They say seven, 30 swimmers. Go get in line. I'm standing in line with all these
poor people. I'm not wearing any shoes because I'm going to go in the pool. But I'm really,
really nervous about what I'm going to do with these eyeglasses that I've gone on. I can't swim
in them. Where am I going to put these? Don't worry. There's a table in the Anatatorium where you
can put personal effects. Got it. I get in. I'm near the back by design. I'm near the back. And
then we get in. There's a large. Again, it's a 50 meter pool with a diving well. So the pool's
very, very deep. And I'm looking around and it is just absolute chaos in the pool. People are
jumping in and swimming the 400 meters to go down 50 turnaround. And it's like four or six laps.
I can't remember what it is. I can't do the math. But my concern right now is not the pool. My
concern is where am I going to put my glasses? I see the table. I walk down there and I put my glasses
down. And unfortunately, I look at that table and there's one other pair of glasses on it. And it
looks exactly like mine. It's basically the same frames. And in that moment, I'm like, Oh, God,
whomever picks these up. I just hope they pick up the right pair. If they pick up the wrong pair,
on any circuit like for any length of time, I'm screwed. If I don't have these eyeglasses,
my day's over. I can't, I can't see well enough beyond four or five feet, three feet. I'm not
going to do anything. So I put the pieces glasses down. I'm like, Oh, please, just pick up the right
pair of dude, whoever you are. And I go get in line and I'm blind. I can't see anything. I can
basically see about here. And that's about it. So I'm making my way around and there's a nice,
there's this woman standing next to me. She appears to be about four foot five. And she's
chatting me up and then she's with her daughter. And we're doing this. And you're doing this.
If you ever done this or know I'm new to this, well, you got to, you're going to do great and very
good. You got this. And I don't know where along the lines. You got this became the anthem and the
soundtrack to all of these different amateur events. You got this. Okay. So now I get around and
I am at the edge of the pool. And as I'm standing there, it hits me. I've got to go to the bathroom.
I've got a piece so badly. I've got a piece so badly because I've had all that water and coffee in
me. And I've got a piece so badly, but I'm going to be in the pool here in about 10 seconds.
And they say, okay, you're up, sir. Drop in the water. And I'm going. I've never
swam in a 50 meter pool before ever. I don't think I'd ever been in a 50 meter pool before.
25. Yes. This is a lot longer. And I'm swimming and I'm swimming and some people are hitting me.
I don't think I'm passing anybody. And at one point, I finally get to the wall because at one
point, I'm like, where the fuck is the wall? I finally get to the wall. And I see some poor guy
hanging on to the rope, the barrier. And it looks like he's going to die. That's the first
lap. I'm like, well, I can't do them better than this guy. So then I do the whole thing. And I
would say the swim went better than I thought. But swimming 50 meters, as opposed to 25 meters
is is a bigger challenge than I fully appreciated because I just kept looking for the wall. And I'm
I'm looking and I can't see anything. My vision is so bad that what I can see doesn't really help
is like, where am I? I don't know where I am. And I'm like, okay, here's the wall. Good. Okay,
now go back. Go back. So finally, I finished. I think my swim time was 12 and a half minutes,
which for me was pretty good. And that's the whole thing for me, for you. Focus on your own self
and you'll feel achievement it because if you start getting into the comparison game,
especially in these things, you're going to feel real bad real quick. So I get to the edge.
And now an only thing I'm thinking about, please, my glasses have to be there. I get out of the
pool and there are my glasses. Thank you, God. There are my glasses. And I have finished the hardest
part of the triathlon for myself. I just did it. I I swam 400 meters and very proud of that fact.
But I have got much bigger issues coming that's going to make this pool scenario and
Anatatorium scenario without my glasses look like a party. And I will share that with
with those details with you after this. Hello, it's Mike Riner of your dark companion here.
Let me ask you, are you looking for something to fill the long dead air hours of your day?
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Have a seat at the bar and get in the groove with those shows and so very much more.
So I finish the pool portion of the event. But I've got to go to the bathroom.
I've got to pee so badly. I've got to pee so badly. And now I'm feeling kind of competitive
because I'm like, I want a good time. I want a good time. I don't know why I want a good time.
So I run off to the porta potty and I go, oh, thank God. Okay. Now I go back and I dry my feet off.
Pardon me. I actually did the shoes first. I got my that stuff and now I've got my water bottle.
And then I realize my daughter has taken the water bottle that I needed and the water bottle
I have does not fit on my bike. I'm not going to have any water on this bike right on a 14.5 mile
bike ride. I'm not going to have any water because it doesn't fit. So I take a swig and put it down.
I'm like, okay, I put on a sweatshirt. I put on my gloves and it takes me a second. I get my helmet
on finally and I'm off and running cycling. I've never done this before. I haven't been on a
bike in years. I'm like, oh, okay, this takes a second. There's a there's crowd of people there
in front of the town center there and killing it. So I'm like, okay, I'm off and I'm going.
So one part to this course that I was unfamiliar with is that there was going to be some hills
but I did not know just how steep the hills were going to be. I saw that there were hills. I'm
like, wow, these are pretty steep. There was like three of them. And the one challenge to this
bike that I rented, I wasn't familiar with the gears. So I'm basically just like hitting gears.
I'm like, oh, please, please go up. Please go down. Please go. And meanwhile, I'm kind of worried.
I'm like, please, just chain. Don't come off. Just don't come off. I don't have an in me to fix
the chain. So anytime I mess with the gears, I was kind of holding my breath. So I'm going up
the hills and one of the beautiful parts about going, you know, a bike race like this, you can kind
of cheat and coast going down the hills, a good speed. So I'm doing it. All right. So now I take the
turn. I'm coming back and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm passing some people and I'm a little nervous
about that because the USA Triathlon people are really kind of vigilant about. You got it going
past on your left and got to be three bike late distances and you don't do the passing zone. They'll
penalize you and I'm trying to do all this math. I'm like, what do you time never done this before?
So finally, now I'm back and there's a group of people and there's a turn up there. And I see
cyclists turning left to go back towards the start finish line area. And then I see some other
people doing a U turn. I'm like, well, what's one I'm supposed to do? And there's a sign there
and I do have my glasses on, which are working out. Okay, there's a sign there and I can't really see
it. So I just turn left. I'm like, okay, I guess I guess we make the turn up there. So now I'm cycling
back and I get towards the town center. And this is about a mile back, mind you. And then I hear,
yeah, good job, guys. Good job. Great job. All right. All right. I'm like, wait a minute,
wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm not supposed to be done with this. This is for the people who
are only doing 10 miles. I want to do the full length, the full 14 and a half. So I get up and I can
see the pad where if you cross it, it's going to affect your chip and I stop. And there are these
three teenage girls. It looks like they work for the event. I said, hey, I don't I think I've
ended this too soon. Where was I supposed to turn? And they're like, I'm like, you got to be
kidding me. So then I ride the bike up onto the grass because there was a crowd of people and I
didn't want to be, I didn't want us to go, you know, down the wrong way of the one race as people
were coming in. So I ride onto the grass. Then I cycle over to a guy who looks like he's working
there. I said, sir, I think I messed this up. Where was I supposed to? Where's the turn? He's like,
oh, no, no, no, mate. The turn's back that way. You got to do it. You'll do the you turn back
that way. That's where you make the turn. I added 2.2 miles to the cycling portion of this triathlon.
I was not very happy about that. So finally, I get back with the rest of the competitors at which
point I am. I'm not last. I'm in the conversation. I'm really close to last. So I finished the
remaining 2 laps and I am just so irritated with myself. I'm like, why would I? How did I miss that?
How did I miss the turn? So anyways, hi there. Okay, it's all right. I get it done and I'm feeling
pretty good. Now my calf muscles are pretty sore and, you know, I hadn't ridden 14 and a half
miles. In this case, 16 point, whatever miles. So I finish it and I'm near the back, right?
And I'm near the back and I'm in the hole. And as I'm finishing, people are done. People are done,
like getting in their car, going home and having a nice Sunday. And I'm still got the I've
still got the run left. So I get there and I put my bike up, take a swig of water, eat a bite of
a cliff bar and I'm like, I get out of the bathroom again. And by the way, I ain't any water yet
on the course. I had no water yet. And I'm really parched because of the bike ride and the wind
and all that. And I've got to go to the bathroom again. Again, so I go back to the port of potty,
pee again. And now I'm like, okay, now I feel good. Let's go. So now I run off to the start
finish line. And I hear this woman say, oh, sir, sir, sir, you don't have your bib on. I'm like,
wait, what? You don't have your bib on. Yeah. Okay, that's true. So they give you a bib to wear
for the bike and the run. And I had not put it on yet. So I got to go run back to where my stuff is,
put my bib on and then I can start the race, the run race. I'm about 10 steps in and I realize
there's no way I'm running these this thing with my glasses on. It's bouncing. It's uncomfortable.
So I just take them off. So I'm basically running with a blur. And it's in a city park. So I'm not
really worried about tripping on anything, but I'm just running in a blur. And I've got 3.1 miles
to go. So I can be done with a triathlon. And I'm feeling all right. It helped a lot. My legs
were pretty much numb from the bike ride for about the first mile and change. And at one mile,
there it is. A mirage off in the distance, similar to the traveler in the middle of the Sahara
in search of water. I'm like, there's no way. Is that really a water station? Is that,
am I finally going to get water? Is that it? Yes. I finally get water pounded glass glass cup
and I'm off. So now as I'm running and people were passing me, I could see them out of the corner
of my eye and I even despite my limited vision, at the last second when they would pass me,
I could see them and I would recognize people. And I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. I'm behind
this guy. I'm behind that woman. I'm behind the fat guy. Really? I'm in good shape. And I'm getting
dusted by these guys. And none of them know that I had secretly unintentionally ridden my bike
in additional 2.2 miles. I didn't, I couldn't tell them, wait, wait, sir, real quick. Here's why I'm
behind you. So I'm on my way back. I take the turn and I'm getting close and I'm feeling pretty good.
I'm honestly feeling pretty good. I'm like, I'm going to do it. This is going to be good.
So that I'm getting up and there's a city park where there's it's a play area for kids.
And there's an arrow. And I'm like, which way am I supposed to go? Am I supposed to go right or
left? And again, I'm right up on the arrow because I wouldn't have been able to see it otherwise.
I'm like, must I go right or left? There's a guy behind me and I said, do you know which way we're
supposed to go? He's like, I don't know. Somebody head says, yeah, just keep going straight. You're fine.
So I just run straight. And I'm like, I don't know if I was supposed to do that. It would have been
25 extra feet. That if we eliminated, it was 25 extra feet. I don't care at this point.
So I'm running this guy next to me is like me. We're near the end and we're starting to run faster.
We find that kick of energy. And I'm starting to run faster. And I'm bouncing ahead of him. I got it.
I'm going to beat him. I'm not going to beat anybody else, but I'm going to kick his ass.
So I'm going to beat him. And as I get up there, I see where the finish line is.
I see it. And sure enough, burst of energy. And I can hear the PA guy say, yeah, good job. Way to go.
Superman. And I cross the finish line. I'm like, yeah. And then I hear the same PA guy say,
hey, you're not done. Superman. The finish line's up there. Well, I couldn't see the finish line
because I didn't have my glasses on. And I look up. I put on my glass like, oh, yeah, I got another
20 feet. So then I run and I complete the 2026 St. Patrick's Day triathlon.
About 10 minutes later, I'm maybe five minutes later. I'm, yeah, 10 minutes later. I'm packing up
my stuff where my bike was. And I hear the PA announcer say, hey, put your hands together.
Congratulations for Bill Smith or whatever. He's 91 years old. And he just completed the triathlon.
A 91 year old man completed that triathlon. And I beat his ass, not even a game. That's how much
better I am than that guy. So later on in the day, I got my times.
I finished in one hour in 54 minutes and 11 seconds. Again, I want to give you the distances,
400 meter swim, 14.5 mile bike ride for the smart people, 3.1 mile run. My swim time was 12 minutes
and 25 seconds. And now the part that really bothers me, my bike was one hour and six minutes
and 16 seconds. I think I probably added about eight to nine minutes on my unintentional
long cut, the scenic route. I run. I can't believe this. I almost don't believe this. It says my
run was 28 minutes and six seconds. And that run had some hills on it. That meant I averaged about
nine minutes and two seconds. I can't believe that. I almost think that's wrong. I'm like,
there's no way I was going that fast. Anyways, I finished out of 208 competitors. I finished 170
amongst men, my A in the age group, 17th of 18th. And among men, 128 out of 149, the winner,
the winner of this race, I don't know how I did this, missed in one hour and one minute.
I was, he was done when I was still on the course with half of the course remaining.
Hey, those people. So after I did the math, this is what I figured out. I should have finished
at about 146, one hour and 46 minutes. That's what I should have finished. If I had done
the bike, the way it's designed, I should have finished about 145 or 146. And my placement should
have been about 135. Now here's the great part. Does it matter where I really finished?
Unless you're finishing first, no, I'm not even sure it matters then. What matters is, is that I
set a goal for myself back in December at the end of December to do a triathlon. Something that I
never really thought that before this, that I would actually do, because for the reasons I previously
explained, but I did go out and do it. And I'm proud of that fact. And I went above and beyond.
I went above and beyond. So my hope is on this, is that if the event organizers of the LA marathon
and the St. Patte's Day triathlon and Keller, Texas can put their, you know, heads together
and accommodate the fact that I didn't stop short. I went the extra mile literally
to complete this event. So I'm thinking if the LA marathon
person who completed 18 miles gets a finisher's medal, then I think the person who completed the
triathlon with an extra 2.2 miles on the bike should be first place. See you next time.
This is a stolen water media production.